After Winter
by PettyRevolver
Summary: Yet another challenge answer. One-shot that's definitely turning multi-part (soon!). Iruka and Kakashi meet in a snowy forest. Cold nights are the best for reminding us how warm we are.
1. Default Chapter

This ficlet was made in response to a challenge from the kakairu livejournal community. I liked my answer to this one so much that you may even see later chapters. Actually, you probably will. Most likely when you read this, there'll probably be three more. oi!

Challenge: I'd like to see an Iruka + Kakashi getting together story. Winter setting plz.  
Also combine it with a bildungsroman on Kakashi.

A Bildungsroman is a novel which traces the spiritual, moral, psychological, or social development and growth of the main character from (usually) childhood to maturity.

The winter always made Kakashi reminiscent. It was probably the cold weather which had forced his family to spend more time together. The long dark nights inside their cozy home. He didn't spend enough time at home in the winter. The winter meant more profitable missions with more importance. That meant he spent more than his share of time trekking through the snow. Silent days of empty landscapes always sent his mind back to wandering and after so long, the snow itself made him think back.

What do you do with a boy that would never grow up? Kakashi had practically spurted out of the womb just as he was: impetuous, introverted, and frankly, annoying. It was incredibly frustrating being his parent. He spent all his days trying to figure you out, put you off, and generally set you off balance so he had the upper hand.

In fact, the only way his parents could get control of him was forcing him to sit in an empty room - his bedroom. Because he was always in trouble, he never had any toys in it. His poor mother cried to her friends at every opportunity about her improper son. They sympathized with her only partially, because their children would complain that they could never be at the top of anything with Kakashi always staying three steps ahead of them. Her husband was still a hero to his country.

It seemed as if he had known earlier on that if he kept trying, he would eventually surpass everyone around him. With very few exceptions, this was true. It taught Kakashi that results were favorable over methods. You just had to do a little damage control to soothe over the angry masses. But as long as everything turned out okay, they would calm down, wouldn't they?

The shock of losing his parents and his standing at the budding of adolescence taught Kakashi caution. He wasn't 1 at the academy any more. He had been a jounin for a while and was expected to act as one. He couldn't be stirring up trouble wherever he went. He had gained friends and lost them all to battle. Adulthood taught Kakashi to be cautious with his heart. If you loved or even liked someone, their absence could hurt you. 

He wished he could learn contentment. To fall like snowflakes from the sky, fine with being different from the rest, but still knowing that they would all land in the same place.

He chalked it up to his own selfishness, but Kakashi had always lived by proving himself the best at what he did. He couldn't resist being with other people, even if he acted like he could. So he ended up alone and hating it. It was how he hurt himself for letting his friends and parents die. It was how he hurt himself when he finally grew up a little and realized that he would never be the strongest. There was always someone a few steps ahead.

He sighed into the winter air, his breath forming a small cloud in front of him. A teammate of his remarked how comforting it was to see that. 'There really is a face under that mask!' Kakashi never really saw what was so impressive about noting that. Of course he had a mouth. You could see the faint outline inside his mask. Even if someone wasn't sitting on the same stone bench as he was, they would still know that it was cold.

So cold that he could barely feel the tops of his legs. The lining underneath his jounin uniform wasn't seeming to do much to block out the cold. Konoha never dropped to the low temperatures of water or snow country, but for the residents it was still bitterly cold.

He hated to leave. It was pleasant sitting on the little stone bench under the ancient tree. The tree was the last standing of an almost entirely dead generation. The ground around it only held grass until seeping back into the large forest. The few inches of snow had covered everything in a fine, shimmering coating of white so delicate and shining that the entire landscape glittered. The tree branches twinkled in the setting sunlight. He couldn't imagine a more peaceful picture than camping under this very tree, eyes closing to the sight of snowflakes glittering like stars.

However, he was cold and had no gear. Besides, someone had been steadily approaching for a few minutes now and didn't seem like they would be changing course any time soon. Any second and they would come into the clearing. he looked blandly out into the sky, not sure if he wanted them to know he saw them approaching or not. He considered for a moment using ninjutsu to disappear, but if it happened to be Gai, that would very quickly lead into a contest he didn't feel like competing in. Probably not Gai, whoever it was, they were wearing appropriate shoes for the weather. The crunching sound of snow heralded their solid footsteps. The first visible element was their large, brown fur collar jacket showing through the leaves and the simple paper umbrella. They walked into the clearing without gumption.

Iruka-sensei. Kakashi wished again that he needn't leave. He'd always found the teacher's company to be pleasant... Actually, more than pleasant. His 'unusual desires' only saw fit to separate him even more from his fellow ninja. Kakashi sighed to himself. Without the ties of the past or any family, he just couldn't see the point in trying to connect with someone else.

He had originally worn his mask across his face because he thought it made him look more intimidating. When his skill made him more intimidating, he wore it so other jounin would take him seriously. Now he wore the mask because he couldn't bother to pull that much unnecessary attention to himself. The people that were closest to him were used to him being a certain way; distant. Anything else and they would start inquiring about how he felt and that's not something he wanted.

This teacher, he had noted, had a tendency of treating him like a child with an unusual habit. A kid who hadn't let go of his teddy bear yet or stopped chewing on a teething ring. The feelings were ambivalent; they were two opposing waves of a painful past and the powerful glimmer of a hopeful future. In other words, Iruka gave him butterflies in his stomach and it sometimes was more than Kakashi could stand. In other other words, Kakashi had it bad for the younger chuunin.

"Ohayo, Kakashi-san!" That friendly greeting, a wave and Kakashi's heart flipped. He told himself every time he saw him that Iruka didn't have any power over his feelings. Regardless, he always somehow seemed to cave in to him...even if just a little. He barely turned towards the teacher with his one eye half-closed. Kakashi lifted his hand in an imitation of a greeting "Ohayo." Underneath his mask he was chewing on his bottom lip. It was a habit of his he'd never bothered to strike since no one saw him do it. He turned away from Iruka before he felt the need to start telling him how many other kids loved him just to see his smile. If Iruka was a woman (and magically Kakashi still attracted) things would have been so much easier.

"Anou...I didn't expect to see you here." Nervous laughter. Iruka thought he was intruding, which he was. It was a welcome intrusion.  
Kakashi waved a hand to quiet his apologies. He didn't want to spend his time here, or with Iruka, or most especially here with Iruka listening to him apologize for making his day better. "Don't worry over it"  
Iruka nodded once and smiled out of the corner of Kakashi's eye.

Asuma once told Kakashi that asking a woman out was easy. If you asked her nicely the worst thing she could do would be to gently let you down. You just had to get past the rejection part. He had said that the most important thing to remember was that it was better in the end to be rejected kindly than carry on after them for years.

His sigh turned into a white fog that the wind swept around his face. He had been very silent for several moments and Iruka was fidgeting.

"Anou," He broke the silence, scratching the back of his neck with one gloved hand. "it's starting to snow very heavily and you must be cold, so..." He thrust forward his other hand with his umbrella in it towards Kakashi. Once the man walked out from under the tree he'd be covered in snow that would melt against his skin in minutes, soaking him. Kakashi could imagine Iruka's picture of him frozen and smiled.

"Arigato, Iruka-sensei. However, I cannot be rude and take your only umbrella from you." His eye curled up into a semicircle of happiness at the offer as he pushed it off with both hands. He was afraid at this point if he came that close to Iruka he would be able to hear his thumping heartbeat. This was his chance! He couldn't just ask him out on a date like Asuma did, so this was the best he was going to get. His mouth was dry and he was actually feeling a little faint.

Iruka looked disappointed and pulled his umbrella back. Not only had he potentially ruined his good chance, but had probably lowered himself in Iruka's opinion. "However, I wouldn't mind sharing." 


	2. Chapter 2

Prelude

"Ah, Kakashi-kun! I got your note!" Iruka sounded cheerful, tapping his closed umbrella on the warm restaurant's doorjam to shake the excess of moisture from its shiny black surface. The cold had dusted his cheeks with a warm rosy color that belied what must have been ice cold to the touch (Kakashi could still imagine). He was wearing the same jacket he had worn in the forest.

Kakashi had found Iruka surprisingly easy to converse with. It was clear that he was used to making friends with people quickly. He was quick to hop on common interests or goals, building bridges across the gaps that existed between two people who were essentially strangers. Actually, he had gotten more things out of Kakashi in one walk than some people had in years of knowing the elusive ninja.

Which to say, wasn't all that much. It was still impressive with Kakashi being as anxious as he was. Yes, he was a very powerful ninja with amazing skills, knowledge, and power. However, none of these things very accurately covered creating a romantic situation in his own life. Besides, he could not be certain if Iruka shared any of these thoughts for himself. It surprised him, how his own judgement and self-loathing clouded his vision. It obscured his memory and made him question the very movement of Iruka's eyes.

How long it had taken him to write that note without his hands shaking! Even if they showed the slightest anxiety, it could be something that would reveal itself to Iruka. He was known for having a good mind for cryptography and some of Kakashi's comrades used his services from time to time.

It had been dark by the time they had reached the actual gates of Konoha. The bright lights cut a swath in the blue-tinted world of crunching snow and freezing air. When they would look at each other at the same time and speak, the misty air from their breath would mingle together. They would coalesce, forming into one larger cloud. Yes, Kakashi thought it was an indication. If you couldn't rely on judgement or rationale, then why not fate?

It had been blocks before their ways split. Kakashi could almost recount the names of the restaurants they had passed: The Salmon's run, Himichi Okinomiyaki, Elephant Sushi, Noodle Happy Dough (the pastry was wonderful...so Kakashi had heard), Seikou's tempura, and so on. Each restaurant was like another nail in his coffin. Sometimes, he would will his mouth to move; To form the proper words 'would you like to get something to eat?' or anything of that variety. His lips felt like lead, pressing themselves close and locking his tongue to the roof of his mouth. 

Attempted love was a scary thing.

Eventually, three days later, it was utter anxiety and distress that led him to consider writing an invitation. Only until he had it out with Iruka-sensei, one way or another, would he be satisfied. If he sat and spoke to the man long enough, either his feelings would fade (as they often did) or Kakashi would retreat from him, sparing himself the agony of romantic notions not returned. As it were, he expected the former to happen. The latter was something that so challenged his ways of living and thinking that imagining it wasn't safe to even consider in a public place. He decided that it would be dealt with when pertinent.

As it were, again...

"Kakashi-kun?" Kakashi's half-lidded eye flared open and right into one of Iruka's warm-colored eyes as he waved his hand in front of his face.

"E-eh?" Kakashi almost leaped out of his chair. Kakashi steadied the table with one hand (and told his heart to stop beating so fast). How embarrassing. The object of his reverie had all but scared the cup right off his table. The appeal of acting like a fool at times was that you could be a fool and write it off very quickly.

"I thought someone had poisoned your drink!" Iruka joked, sitting down across from him. He smiled as the waitress came around and ordered some tea. It amazed Kakashi how quickly Iruka assumed people were good. He'd seen the teacher scowl at people's backs, but never really to the face. He was astonishingly polite for someone who was as social as he was. It was a rarity to find someone who disliked the man out of anything but their own jealousy.

"Yare Yare, not yet." Kakashi waved a carefree hand at him, ignoring table manners and resting the elbow of his other arm on the table. He rested his chin in his hand, staring lazily over at Iruka. His voice dropped into a challenge while his visible eye hardened. "I was waiting for you to try it."

Iruka arched an eyebrow, before quickly backpedaling into a retreat. He shook his hands in front of his face, "Kakashi-san! I didn't come to poison you!" 'Is he insane or am I stuck in some weird set-up?' was what Kakashi guessed he was thinking. Iruka acted was very apologetic, his brow furrowing as he probably tried to guess where Kakashi had begun to suspect him of attempted assassination. So cute!

Kakashi sighed, his one eye drooping again while he sagged into a casual posture, idly mixing his drink with one finger. "If you're not here to poison me, I suppose we'll have to eat something." Kakashi smiled at Iruka and to his distinct pleasure, Iruka smiled back with just that telltale sign of red in his cheeks. Kakashi's mind went agog at the implications and the implications of no implications and so forth. The batting of an eyelash at an odd time or even the smallest, faintest traces of a movement of an eyebrow! The subtleties of the man were about to drive him insane. Every word had another little movement, as if his entire face spoke with some undeciphered code that had yet to be fully explored.

Kakashi got his chance often after that night to try and deconstruct his new friend. He decided that he hadn't met someone as odd as Iruka in his entire life. The man seemed to operate on an entire other scale from other people. He found himself looking in the strangest places for answers. Iruka's astrology chart and Kakashi had had it fully investigated (a good nin is thorough)said that he was like a creature from another world. Two people in one. Conjoined Twins. The Gemini was an odd creature that could be both of this world and of the realm of the heavens.

Kakashi, in fact, felt very certain that he had walked by a circle of stones when he left the forest that night, shielded by the dancing shape of Iruka's umbrella and never emerged. Thank the powers for small miracles.

After Winter, chapter 2

Konoha had still not shaken winter off its shoulders. Kakashi and Iruka entered his apartment chilled and covered in clinging white flakes. They had both shaken themselves off like overgrown dogs when they walked through the doors of his complex. Iruka rubbed his hands together furiously, using his elbows to pin the paper bag he carried to his chest. They chatted amiably up the many steps to his loft; during which time, Kakashi accused Iruka of having slow blood and Iruka accused him of having a slow mind.

Kakashi's apartment building wasn't terribly distinctive. It was unusually tall and in a nicer part of the village, sure. The real show of his financial might was how high up it was. At this height, he could see across most of the village. Kakashi usually accessed his home by his balcony. He liked leaving that way and traveling across the rooftops. It let him lead a less conspicuous lifestyle. Iruka was the first person Kakashi had brought to this apartment since...actually, since ever.

The light switch by the door didn't exactly flood the room with light. A small overhead and table lamp illuminated the warm colors of the barewood floors and matching furniture.

Kakashi could tell that Iruka was surprised at how low everything in Kakashi's apartment was. Despite the architecture being modern, as well as the materials used, Kakashi's entire apartment was furnished at a height much older than the times accounted for. The table was meant to be kneeled at. His couch was actually cushions on the ground with raised backs. Now Iruka knew why the man seemed so comfortable wherever he was. As long as a firm surface was below him, it would be just like home. 

"Do you really hate walking that much?" Was the first thing to come out of his mouth. Outside of the kitchen, you could literally roll to reach just about anything in Kakashi's apartment. Kakashi shrugged. "It's home. Have a seat." He gestured towards the larger portion that was the sitting room floor with an area rug while he kicked off his sandals. His apartment was easy, you didn't have to worry about anything proper. Really, you could sprawl just about anywhere.

Kakashi grabbed the paper bag he carried and deposited both on his clean, white countertop. He turned to watch Iruka remove his sandals. It had been the other man's idea to visit his house first. Kakashi had enjoyed his visit to Iruka's home. It was a little cluttered, but it was oddly fitting and very warm. There was no mistake who lived there. He'd discovered a small pleasure in watching him remove his sandals. He always lifted one foot at a time and used both hands to remove his sandal in a single, smooth motion. He had been tempted to ask him about it, but Iruka would have accused him of having a secret fetish (which he did, but it extended beyond his feet).

It wasn't hard to watch him, there were no large obstacles in Kakashi's apartment. You didn't even have to worry about doorways. The apartment was mostly completely open. Only a small raised divider with glass shelves separated the general sitting room area from the dining room. The linoleum flooring announced where the kitchen was. A door out to the bathroom, one out to a balcony and the other to the bedroom. He kept it simple and uncluttered. He was a ninja who sometimes went on month-long missions. It would be inconvenient to have to worry about pets and plants and possessions. He had what he needed and some extra comforts and left it at that.

With a futon and light furniture, he even saved on labor! 

"Oi! Are you going to start dinner or should I start chewing on your carpet?" Kakashi turned one lazy eye towards the teacher. It was obvious he wanted attention. Kakashi was no chef, but he was fast enough. Already he had everything set out and ready for cutting. They were having sushi, because Kakashi could cut and serve, but he'd be more apt to set the food on fire than cook it. Iruka looked suspicious of his culinary ability, looking up at him from the floor with his smug grin.

"Yare Yare, I'm almost finished." He turned back to the food, beginning a steady pounding of the knife on the cutting board as deft fingers sliced the small bits and pieces. Shinobi were usually very good at making sushi. "Don't chew on anything." He added dryly.  
"...have to scrape my teeth on the floor." Iruka muttered, putting both hands on his stomach as he laid back, slinging one foot over a propped knee. Kakashi watched him in the reflection off of a single vase with his good eye as he automatically rolled rice and wrapping and meat into rolls and chopped them evenly. Why did he bother to torture himself?

He purposely stalled finishing to give himself a couple of moments. He had considered reciprocating Iruka's generous hospitality for weeks before doing so. It came with a little more. 

Kakashi's loft apartment made spying much more difficult with its height (not that the threat of Kakashi's retribution wasn't enough), it afforded him some much needed privacy. 

That meant that what Kakashi was about to show to Iruka no one had seen since some 13 years before.

Kakashi picked up the serving tray and set it down on the small table which Iruka was sitting near. He much preferred eating in the comfortable atmosphere of the carpet and its large window. Kakashi pulled the cord at one end and the vertical blinds pulled outwards revealing a breathtaking view of the village. From the floor, you could only see night filled with the myriad of lights from Konoha illuminating the snow as it fell from the pitch black depths of the sky. "Ahh nice view!" Iruka said, leaning back to better look out of the window. At least Iruka appreciated some of the finer things in life.

Kakashi walked back to the kitchen area to retrieve a small bottle of sake and two small cups. He hesitated before turning back to Iruka. It was now or he would do it never. He'd spent this whole time playing a game with Iruka. It really shouldn't be a very big deal; showing your face to a friend. This reluctance to open himself up may have been the reason he had lost Sasuke in the first place to a demon. It was time to grow up and leave the past behind for exactly what it was: over. He removed his hitae-ate with fluid motions and set it down on the counter before him. Sighing, he removed his mask with the usual care and set it on top of his hitae-ate. 

The air around him felt chill with the mask gone. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve. The fabric often caused his breath's moisture to stick to his skin. He'd gotten used to it, but it felt gamey when the mask was removed. He actually had a stack of them, all custom made. He picked up the glasses and the sake and returned to the table, looking as nonchalant as possible. 

He had been wary of his burn scars at first. Getting caught by a fire jutsu as a young ninja was something that could happen to anyone. Hiding it from medi-nins and trying to treat it yourself was something that so far only Kakashi had done. It had been a badge of how much he had needed to grow. Back then, he had not wanted anyone to see his weakness. Now Kakashi realized that had been his weakness. The dark purple areas where the skin had been grafted onto his face after its discovery by a concerned party had faded a little over the years. The marks traced over his neck in wide arcs. The attack had been inflicted by a sort of projectile acid spit. It had seared jagged marks which the medi-nins had replaced dedicatedly in its exact shape. It looked as if the skin of his face had been wrapped around his head and sewn in seams from the chin down to his neck, with the exception of one large fin shape burn that traced its tip to just under his right nostril, avoiding all of his lips except the upper edge of his mouth. 

It wasn't the worst ninja scar shown in public, but the shame of covering it still lived with Kakashi. He had learned to live with his mask, he figured it was his to have forever. Now, he was just inviting Iruka into his private life. Iruka almost choked on his piece of sushi when he saw him. "I-I'm sorry," He explained, looking apologetic and shamed for his surprise. He could easily guess what a large deal this was. "I just didn't expect it." He looked pleased and not at all put off by it. Mentally, Kakashi eased just that extra bit.

He and Iruka chatted as usual, although with a notable strain. Iruka was staring at his mouth while he ate (since he had been so secretive about his eating before). It also had to take some getting used to, his voice not being muffled. Without the mask, Kakashi sounded much more soft-spoken without the muffling effect of the fabric in front of his lips. Other than that, things progressed as normally. They finished, Iruka commented endlessly on the various nuances of the food with Kakashi adding several key comments both supporting and derailing.

He was surprised how comfortable company with Iruka was. He never worried about acting or secrecy. Iruka didn't ask any unnecessary questions or seemed to need anything else but the unspoken promise that Kakashi was his friend. Once he'd learned to stop trying to constantly figure him out, the maddening man stopped being complex. He was natural and fluid. It seemed like he could utterly change overnight. Iruka had been many people since Kakashi had started to meet him regularly.

"Ah, you've gone away." Which is what he always said when Kakashi was just pretending to listen and thinking. It was a certain tone of voice he had that tore him away from his thoughts. It had to be the schoolteacher in him.  
Kakashi could only tell the truth. "Hai, Hai Iruka-sensei." Although he looked more petulant than bored without his mask on.

"Kakashi?" Iruka usually broke comfortable silences with some inane question. Kakashi had thought at first it was just that he couldn't stand the silences that could be so common with someone as introverted as himself. It had become apparent that giving Iruka some quiet time simply let him reflect on the more minor aspects of life which led to seemingly baseless inquiries. Kakashi suspected he just thought until he hit some question and just asked it on impulse. He could be interesting like that.  
"Mm"  
"This is your favorite spot in your house, isn't it?" Iruka turned from him to the large window after having just inspected the small area where they were sitting.  
"Mm." It was. This is where Kakashi spent all his time when he was home. That wasn't often, but this was his special place; the private spot for Kakashi to feel what Kakashi feels when Kakashi wants to experience it. All emotionally withdrawn people should have a spot to unload themselves in confidence, he thought and was probably a little right.  
"I thought so." Iruka gave him his version of a knowing smile. His feelings were so simple and forthright and the reasons for them always so complex and meaningless to a stranger. Smiling was too soft of a word for when Iruka was really just pleased over something. He beamed, he glowed, he rained positive feelings. Still, he hadn't seen the best part about his favorite spot. Kakashi held one finger up and excused himself for a moment. He cleared away their trappings from dinner and turned off what dim lights there were in the house. Iruka had stopped questioning whenever Kakashi did anything...odd like this. Kakashi always had something in mind. He answered the questions with a point at the window before sitting back down. He sat so close that their knees almost touched.  
In darkness, the window looked out over Konoha's night sky. You could see a few other telltale structures in the distance, but the rest was clear night sky raining small specks of white snow. They danced in the sparse light, reflecting odd blues and greens of neon signs and lights, unseen below the rim of the window.  
Kakashi wondered how he had come to be here so quickly. He had spent all of his life standing under weather alone, hunkering down and plotting. Now, things seemed so much more simple. Iruka was there to help him. He always had that simple solution, or that change he needed, or the umbrella at the right time. That, he supposed, was what friends were for. Imagine a younger him, in the winter of his own heart, braving that storm alone. Then comes another boy, with a wave, a smile, and an umbrella, ready to walk him home.  
"Kakashi?" Yup. lost again.  
"mm?" "Thanks for cooking dinner, but your sushi's a little dry." Kakashi turned to deliver a strong dose of sarcasm, but was rebuffed by a large bushel of brown hair. He felt Iruka's arm ghost against his own as he slid closer to rest his head more comfortably on Kakashi's shoulder. He couldn't see his face, but Kakashi could already see the wicked grin on the other's. His eye tilted into the shape of a half moon. Iru's hair was softer than it looked and tickled his cheek.  
"Hai." 


End file.
